THE GOONIES
COLORADO'S ULTIMATE 80'S COVER BAND
Based in Boulder, CO, this 4-piece rock band will rip your shirts and bras off with their shredding guitar solos and unravel your sense of space and time. Founded in 1985, after escaping a kidnapping by a large sasquatch, the young rockstars decided to travel through time and come light up the 21st century. While you may wake up with crimped hair, a sore neck, and no recollection of the last 12 hours, The Goonies never... ever.... say Hangover.
The Band
Putting David Lee Roth to shame
She's coming for YOU
Axxxly
Ashley, is like a honey badger. Dangerous by day, but even more dangerous by night. This spastic cherry bomb is either robbing banks overseas or jumping her dirtbike over rows of flaming school busses. Once she bit the head off a rattlesnake to feed the starving band. Her vocal teachers include Buddhist monks and Axl Rose.
17 Cymbals
Photobooth Pun
"My CPU is a neural-net processor; a learning computer"
17 Cymbals
Feridly
Ferid is a mythical creature born out of the love between a wolf and a mahagony tree. One tug on his gotee will not only cost you your life, but also release a title wave of sound that will burst the eardrums of any living creature in a 100 mile radius A few of his fans learned that the hard way. Though he may generally be seen smiling, even laughing, there is a beastly creature dwelling in the background that is best left ignored. You may sense its presence but don't ever look directly at it..
Pat-Tricky
Tricky Bobby jumped into the Delorean in 1984, avoiding the kidnapping by the large Sasquatch and only recently reunited with his bandmates. The timing was uncanny as The Goonies' two guitar players had just been deemed debilitated via mysterious gardening accidents. At least, that's what we heard.. While he does lift metal for fun, he also has a mini but hefty weight set for his fingers. It's been said that his index finger would be considered a deadly weapon if used in an altercation. Made of steel and barbed wire, he is still a peaceful unicorn and a non-violent communicator.
I use Downy Fabric Softener
Atlas Doesn't Shrug
Atlas knows, he always knows. He's been examined and studied for his psychic abilities since he was an infant as he began moving objects with his mind as soon as he turned 6 months. He actually doesn't need his hands to play the bass, but recently he stopped enjoying terrifying people so he acts like a mere mortal and pretends he needs to hold strings down with fingers.
Spontaneous
Combustion
Tragically, our first drummer Chris Oshman-ly spontaneously combusted during a drum solo. All that remained was the smell of burnt hair and wet fart.
About 10 years later, Air Rick and Naterator simultaneously had mysterious gardening accidents and lost the use of most of their fingers, except, of course, their middle fingers which they still use quite often.